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This lady had an affair with her friends boyfriend, and now feels so guilty, she is considering apologising to the friend, who knows nothing about the infidelity.
Should she confess or keep quiet ?
Thursday November 8, 2007
The GuardianLast year I had a brief fling with a friend’s boyfriend. I had met him two years previously when he asked me out but rejected him, partly because I was put off by the fact that he was older than me.
I became friends with the woman shortly before they became a couple. After they had been together for several months, I spent time alone with him by chance and we got on very well. I became increasingly attracted to him but tried to ignore these feelings.
We ended up kissing after several drinks and, although I felt guilty, when he suggested meeting next day I agreed. We met up several times over the following weeks, only sleeping together one night after being close many times. I thought I was in love with him and he with me, but this allowed me to disregard the guilt I felt about my friend.
I realise now that I was being naive. Eventually, I realised he was not going to choose between us and any sort of pleasure I had got from the relationship was overshadowed by anxiety about the pain we could cause my friend, so I ended it. I have never told her. We live in different towns but are still in touch. I feel very guilty and don’t know whether I should tell her or not. She is still with this man.
Full article may be found here:
http://lifeandhealth.guardian.co.uk/privatelives/story/0,,2207125,00.html?gusrc=rss&feed=networkfront
She is trying to salve her own conscience by thinking of confessing to the unsuspecting friend.
On the other hand, if I were the friend, I would want to know what my cheating partner had been up to.
Difficult call in my opinion. What would you do?
You play, you pay.
She should never, ever tell her friend. If she can’t “bear” it, she should end the friendship. The boyfriend should also keep quiet (eternally) about his indiscretion.
My husband and I had a huge fight one weekend. I went in the bathroom just to escape the endless bombardment and then he appeared right after me and he said do you know what Alley, do you remember that day I told you I had to go into such and such city well I went to see a girl, I asked her to be with me and if she had said yes, I would have asked you to please go home! My mouth almost hit the floor he went out shortly after that, I quickly just packed my purse and caught the next train out of there. I was going to go to the Vienna airport and catch the next plane to anywhere in the US, no luggage at all. But since it was already 2:30 pm in the afternoon on the weekend I knew that flying out in the next 24 hours wouldnt be possible so I checked into a local hotel. That evening I got a ph call on my cell phone and it was him. I told him that it was too late and that if he really wanted to be with this girl then he should find her and I dont care what they do. I asked him her name, Anya and I asked him what she looked like, I dont know why and how old she was. I asked him if he ever had sex with her, he said no and that they had never even kissed. I asked him how they met and he told that they met on a soccer ground. I thought to myself he knows her name, her age, her ph #, where she lives, etc and she knew he was married as did his soccer buddy who introduced them. I agreed to get back together with him but that I wanted him to take the STD tests. He never did. There is no possiblity he was faithful to me. I want to hear other peoples opinions on this. My marriage was rocky from the start, but I can honestly say I really never thought that my husband would cheat on me. The trust level is at an all time low for me. I would say 0% is about right. I have started to notice other things, such as whenever he answers his cell ph he leaves the room and heads into the kitchen and I always find a reason to go in their after him. He won’t show me his bank statements or any financial records and I always will wonder now. When I think about everything I gave up in the US to move here so we could live together I feel cheated, it was all for nothing. And its never so easy to start over again from scratch, but I feel I have no choice, once a cheater, always a cheater. I wish that he had never told me, but more importantly I wish that he had never cheated in the first place, I wish that he had just let the guilt eat him alive. So in my opinion the person who did the cheating should never tell their partner, that being said, I would also want to know if I had been cheated on. I find it interesting that cheating partners feel a sense of relief when they tell their spouse or partner. Why??
@Alley wrote:
My husband and I had a huge fight one weekend. I went in the bathroom just to escape the endless bombardment and then he appeared right after me and he said do you know what Alley, do you remember that day I told you I had to go into such and such city well I went to see a girl, I asked her to be with me and if she had said yes, I would have asked you to please go home! My mouth almost hit the floor he went out shortly after that, I quickly just packed my purse and caught the next train out of there. I was going to go to the Vienna airport and catch the next plane to anywhere in the US, no luggage at all. But since it was already 2:30 pm in the afternoon on the weekend I knew that flying out in the next 24 hours wouldnt be possible so I checked into a local hotel. That evening I got a ph call on my cell phone and it was him. I told him that it was too late and that if he really wanted to be with this girl then he should find her and I dont care what they do. I asked him her name, Anya and I asked him what she looked like, I dont know why and how old she was. I asked him if he ever had sex with her, he said no and that they had never even kissed. I asked him how they met and he told that they met on a soccer ground. I thought to myself he knows her name, her age, her ph #, where she lives, etc and she knew he was married as did his soccer buddy who introduced them. I agreed to get back together with him but that I wanted him to take the STD tests. He never did. There is no possiblity he was faithful to me. I want to hear other peoples opinions on this. My marriage was rocky from the start, but I can honestly say I really never thought that my husband would cheat on me. The trust level is at an all time low for me. I would say 0% is about right. I have started to notice other things, such as whenever he answers his cell ph he leaves the room and heads into the kitchen and I always find a reason to go in their after him. He won’t show me his bank statements or any financial records and I always will wonder now. When I think about everything I gave up in the US to move here so we could live together I feel cheated, it was all for nothing. And its never so easy to start over again from scratch, but I feel I have no choice, once a cheater, always a cheater. I wish that he had never told me, but more importantly I wish that he had never cheated in the first place, I wish that he had just let the guilt eat him alive. So in my opinion the person who did the cheating should never tell their partner, that being said, I would also want to know if I had been cheated on. I find it interesting that cheating partners feel a sense of relief when they tell their spouse or partner. Why??
dump his sorry ass well done!
My husband is a turd! Every weekend it is the same Bull shit, he is at the pubs till the early morning hours and the weekend for him starts on Wed night, sometimes Thursday night, (I just called his pub and asked for him and he was there, no big surprise and I said to him that he better get his butt home (since it is 10:30 on a week night and he told me he can’t he will be here another 30 minutes)), I told him that I should send his favorite pub a thank you note for babysitting him so much, it is of great comfort to me to know that he is being so well cared for by them.
I still can’t get over what he said to me that if she had said yes then he would have asked me to go home. Well thank you for making me feel so loved and appreciated. But I still have one trick up my sleeve, we are going on vacation on Nov. 20 to the US and that is my time to make a run for it, and let him know its over, so over!!! I can’t wait, the minute I have picked up my luggage from the baggage claim, he is going to hear everything I have been saving up for that moment. I just hope that I don’t forget to knee him in the groin, I would hate to leave that part out!
Alley, that was really a painful experience, and I feel sorry for what has been happening to you, not only in the emotional sphere but also in the work area (I read your other post).
Chin up, girl! Don’t let these setbacks dampen your spirits, they are only temporary. Well done with your decisions and wishing you all the best.
🙂OMG Alley, how absolutely awful for you. 😯
Often the hardest decisions are the right ones, but it is only with hindsight that we can see it. I am quite sure that you will look back on this period and realize that you made the right decision, under extremely difficult circumstances.
I think you are incredibly brave, and from your posts have had a really raw deal from this guy. There are sweet, nice guys out there, they are not all a-h**** but you will probably want to give yourself time to get over this. Be kind to yourself.
From my experience, it is precisely when you are not looking for someone, that your soul mate appears.
Go get ’em tiger!
Alley, you probably want to talk to a lawyer now before you leave on Nov 20. So that you clearly understand your rights and what you’re entitled to and what is going to happen from here. And do that in Vienna because anything that happens in this village where you live is going to get back to your husband.
You gave up a lot, you have to move back, you have to start over and that is all expensive. Very expensive. Get a schnauzer lawyer.
Rent the DVD of “Intolerable Cruelty” and take notes. It will make you laugh too.
Remember “Revenge is a dish best served cold.”
I find it interesting that cheating partners feel a sense of relief when they tell their spouse or partner. Why??
Because the human animal is a selfish mean spirited beast.
Alley,
Can somewhat relate to your story through things I have heard from others and some personal experiences. Run as fast as you can, and yes please do give him a good solid, fall to his knees type of kick! And may your new Post-Austria life be a good one.
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